Thursday, February 23, 2006

The Growing Outbreak

The world has been shocked in recent weeks by the growing number of cases of Asian Bird Flu within the Westernised World.

I'm sure my avid readers have already studied the in-depth report on the problem carried out by World of Steve, and have witnessed in the news the suffering and distress that can be caused to its victims.

However, exclusive news to Bradfields Brain this evening reveals that the problem has grown out of all proportion, and it now effects one of the UK's greatest loved celebrities. I leave you with a pictorial view of this shocking news.

Fighting for his life, Orville remains in critical condition

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Disconnected

Being a bit of an Internet junkie, I can't really understand how anyone can live without web access in the modern age. I would estimate that I spend a minumum of two hours a day surfing the net - that's a whopping 730 hours a year - about thirty days - scary huh!!

So you ask, if i'm spending a month a year on the internet, am I doing anything constructive in that time?? Could I live without spending that time online or are there vital things I have to do??

Let's look at where I've been and what I've done today - an exercise that can be carried out through the wonders of my Internet Explorer history folder. I will obviously be excluding from my list any visits to sites I have worked on today as this does not count as part of my internet junkiness - I have to do that shit!!

1) Alliance Football League - checked out the results from the weekend and looked at the league position of the mighty EFC. Also read the forum to make sure no one had made any petulant remarks as the team we beat on Sunday weren't happy about losing!!

2) Amazon - Read about the new EA game 'Black' which is coming out on the PS2 on Friday in an attempt to decide whether it looked worth buying. No decision was made.

3) ESPN - Watched a Slam dunk contest that Olly forwarded on. Was pretty decent although I reckon if I was seven feet tall I could do better.

4) BBC - I visit here at least twenty times every day to read the main headlines, entertainment and technology news and of course to keep up with sporting activity from around the world.

5) Bird Sanctuary - Checked out the Kate from Lost special. Sweet!

6) Blogger - To write this.

7) CNET - Investigated the predicted launch date of the Playstation 3 and tried to find out what the delay is all about. Concluded that Sony are hippies!

8) Common Dreams - Had a random thought and was trying to find out how long it was since The Chimp claimed that the war in Iraq was over. Couldn't find out but remain certain it must be nearly two years now.

9) Dev People - Read the latest geek news.

10) Dovka - Had a quick check on a friend's blog. One of his mates had written something strange which I half read but got bored as it was gay.

11) Football 365 - Looked to see if any new diaries of Neviller had been added. They hadn't, I wept a little.

12) Fixtures 365 - Looked at team news for the evening's football fixtures.

13) Google - All kinds of crap

14) Google sightseeing - Checked out some pictures of crop circles and a picture of someone who has written "Eddie Fuck You" in a field. Pondered whether is was a reference to Raw.

15) Gmail - To waste more time emailing friends.

16) Hotmail - To waste more time reading spam mail

17) Martijn Devisser - A bit of research into standalone Flash players so Scarbelly could watch the Slam Dunk competition at work.

18) Natwest - Wept at how poor I am.

19) Halifax Online - Turned slightly suicidal contemplating how poor I am.

20) Play - Tried to overcome my suicidal thoughts with some retail therapy. Couldn't find anything to buy.

21) Start - Read Dilbert cartoon. Laughed.

So, could I live without my unmetered, almost permanent connection to the internet. Truth is, probably yes, but in terms of how I like to live my life, no. I hate shopping in the city centre whether it be for twenty five items or one. Having to face the chavvy, spoty faced pikeyness of average Leicester life compared to clicking three buttons on a website seem absolutely insane to me especially when buying on the internet is cheaper. Why watch three hours of Sky Sports news when you can read everything you are interested in hearing in ten minutes on the BBC site.

OK, I waste a lot of time in my day looking at shit that probably isn't that important and I'm sure my boss would prefer it if I didn't (or sack me if he knew). But hey, work's boring right!?!

The Return (again)

OK, OK, OK. I know I've been slack and to honest I really have no excuse. I can only imagine the disappointment my thousands of fans must have had every day since my last post when they've drop by during their morning cup of coffee to find out what I've been up to only to see the same boring message at the top of the page.

Well dry those tears, get that smile out and get ready for a 2006 posting extravaganza.

Bradfields is back!!