Monday, August 21, 2006

The Apology

Just a quick post to apologise, again, for my lack of blogs. I do have a couple of things lined up to write about but I am working too much at the moment and can't be bothered to look at a computer screen when I get home.

I'll try to get something up for y'all today, mainly cos I'm gagging to take the piss out of flight attendants!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

The Lessons

I heard an amusing story in the pub this evening that I wanted to share with you all. The story involves a little known chinese herbal madicine called "Mystic Dragon". This medicine supposedly replicates the effects of Viagra, but it is a natural drug rather than a laboratory produced one.

I first heard about the existence of these tablets from Mr Y, whose name has been changed for anonymity, who informed me about them whilst I was in my local beer drinking establishment. He was a little inebriated and recalled the tale of the first time he had experienced the power of "Mystic Dragon". He described the experience as "good to start" but later quipped that "once you've had a boner for several hours all you want to do is cut it off".

The story had amused me and yet I head nothing more about this drug until this evening when Mr X, whose name has been changed for anonymity, regaled us with an even more amusing narrative of the effects of the drug.

Mr X was on the train back to Leicester and received a phone call from a lady friend. This phone call left him in an unfortunate position of uncertainty. I'm not fully aware of the background history, but as far as I can ascertain he had a history with the lady who phoned him, and when she said she was going to pop by later that day he assumed that he was going to get some.

LESSON NO. 1: Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups!

And so the story goes on. Mr X, wanting to make sure the damsel who phoned him was going to be a satisfied girl, decided that a little bit of "Mystic Dragon" wouldn't go amiss and so promptly drugged himself for an afternoon session whilst still on the train.

LESSON NO. 2: Drugs are bad, mmmkay!

Continuing, Mr X gets home and his lady friend arrives. She's feeling some love, and is prepared to hand out a few kisses and a cuddle. Mr X thinks that he's game on and the drug induced pork sword in his pants in certainly giving that impression. Unfortunately the young lady involved does not have the same ideas in mind.

LESSON NO. 3: Women are unpredictable creatures!

And so, now we find Mr X with an unsatisfied bacon bazooka, in the middle of the day, with nothing to satify his horn but the Fashion Channel. What an amusing state of affairs! His dreams of a bit of the pink canoe have caved in, and he is left with a four hour boner and nothing but women, on TV, in dresses, to help him get off.

LESSON NO. 4: Always have a backup plan for emergencies!

On The Catwalk
Oh yeah, that'll do it!!