Tuesday, August 01, 2006

The Lessons

I heard an amusing story in the pub this evening that I wanted to share with you all. The story involves a little known chinese herbal madicine called "Mystic Dragon". This medicine supposedly replicates the effects of Viagra, but it is a natural drug rather than a laboratory produced one.

I first heard about the existence of these tablets from Mr Y, whose name has been changed for anonymity, who informed me about them whilst I was in my local beer drinking establishment. He was a little inebriated and recalled the tale of the first time he had experienced the power of "Mystic Dragon". He described the experience as "good to start" but later quipped that "once you've had a boner for several hours all you want to do is cut it off".

The story had amused me and yet I head nothing more about this drug until this evening when Mr X, whose name has been changed for anonymity, regaled us with an even more amusing narrative of the effects of the drug.

Mr X was on the train back to Leicester and received a phone call from a lady friend. This phone call left him in an unfortunate position of uncertainty. I'm not fully aware of the background history, but as far as I can ascertain he had a history with the lady who phoned him, and when she said she was going to pop by later that day he assumed that he was going to get some.

LESSON NO. 1: Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups!

And so the story goes on. Mr X, wanting to make sure the damsel who phoned him was going to be a satisfied girl, decided that a little bit of "Mystic Dragon" wouldn't go amiss and so promptly drugged himself for an afternoon session whilst still on the train.

LESSON NO. 2: Drugs are bad, mmmkay!

Continuing, Mr X gets home and his lady friend arrives. She's feeling some love, and is prepared to hand out a few kisses and a cuddle. Mr X thinks that he's game on and the drug induced pork sword in his pants in certainly giving that impression. Unfortunately the young lady involved does not have the same ideas in mind.

LESSON NO. 3: Women are unpredictable creatures!

And so, now we find Mr X with an unsatisfied bacon bazooka, in the middle of the day, with nothing to satify his horn but the Fashion Channel. What an amusing state of affairs! His dreams of a bit of the pink canoe have caved in, and he is left with a four hour boner and nothing but women, on TV, in dresses, to help him get off.

LESSON NO. 4: Always have a backup plan for emergencies!

On The Catwalk
Oh yeah, that'll do it!!

23 comments:

Jonesy said...

I cant believe he watched the fashion channel, much easier to find something on t'internet if you're indulging in a marathon session of hand to gland combat

Scarbelly said...

Bacon bazooka! HA HA, like it. He deserved the discomfort for deciding he needed assistance in pleasuring a woman in the first place

Martina said...

Great story! *lol*

There you see that it's better to have a plan b before you think this or that will happen.

And it's funny to read that some men really read between the sentences - normally it's the job of women.

Question: why he's got no porn-dvd to feel better? He's a man - don't all you you have some?

Nicole (Pleitegeiger) said...

Ha ha, love that story.

Okay then, Matt, Steve - who of you was Mr. X, who's poor Mr. Y? ;-)

Steve said...

Keep my name out of this, i would like to state for the record i have never required the use of natural or synthetic erectile performance substances.

I have dvd porn and its German "Die Spermschluger" i think its called, its not romantic.

Bradfields said...

Nicole, I knew someone would ask that question eventually but I hate to disappoint, we aren't involved.

Mr X did actually say I could name him but you won't know him so I won't bother.

Martina, I don't own DVD porn but our house does have the internet so some could be acquired if absolutely necessary.

Martina said...

"Die Spermaschlucker" - hmmmm - yummi!

Steve you just destroyed my thoughts that all dvd porns are romantic - shame on you :-)

Steve said...

It's the only porn i've watched that people who see it want it turned off. A friend of mine had to leave the room as he was nearly sick, although i think he was imagining what it must be like to schlcuk that much sperm which inferes to me he was thinking about sucking cock.

His name is Jon Stevens for those who know him.

Martina said...

Nice to know - thanks for this best execution

Nicole (Pleitegeiger) said...

Haha, of course none of you guys was involved. ;-)

I always watch porns til the end 'cause I wait for the couples to get married...

Jonesy said...

Anyone want a lend of 'Girls who suck and eat cum 4?' I warn you now, you'll need a video player!!

Scarbelly said...

I know Jon Stevens! He's an Arsenal fan so there is a fair chance he was thinking of sucking on dick.
The problem with Die Spermaschluger is the main woman is a bit ugly.
Tim's dvd collection is coming (no pun intended) along nicely, Anal Asians, Anal Party and L'Experiment are still his favourites though

Nicole (Pleitegeiger) said...

Tried to trackback your post, but it doesn't work with blogger.
So here we go

Scarbelly said...

My blog can be located at www.thescarbelly.blogspot.com - I freely admit it's not as good as Matt's or Steve's and I can be very lazy about posting. But I'm a computer retard - I've never even owned a PC or laptop!

Bradfields said...

Nicole, thanks for the link

I don't understand this trackback thing anyway!

Steve said...

L'experiment, now there's a film with some great scenes and an amusing storyline

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wow -- VIAGRA really wants you to buy viagra ... but from the sounds of how well the DRAGON works not sure you would even have to bother with the Viagra.

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