The Healers

This topic was decided upon about six months ago over a couple of rather disappointing drinks in the local beer distribution establishment. It was a bitterly cold evening for the time of year and the Kronenbourg was as flat as a female body builder which led to us having to drink Becks. Tempers were fraid, pressure was on to be outgoing and perhaps slightly controversial in an attempt to liven up the evening and so, on a whim, I muttered some words which it is now time to explain - "The NHS is complete bollocks!"

I am sure that I'm not alone in my opinion of the NHS, public belief in it has certainly declined over the last ten years and when it comes to opinion polls the figures certainly don't lie. But not too long ago the stories you heard were of long waiting lists for major operations, or a tale about your mate Dave, who had one of his eyes removed by an angry squirrel, yet still had to sit in the waiting room for ten hours despite bleeding profusely on the floor in an attempt to get some attention. Nowadays the focus has switched and the fact that you're more likely to contract a deadly disease while sitting in a hospital than bathing in raw sewage seems to be what's on people's minds. I wonder why!!

Have you seen this squirrel? If so, call Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111

"Shenanigans", I hear you shout, "this is just the tabloid press compressed into blog form. There isn't any real evidence" - lets see if these facts and figures can change your mind.

• The NHS spends more in a year on fresh needles for syringes than Jonny Vegas does on Guinness. Are you telling me that some people can't share?
• Cutbacks have led to many doctors being forced to use two cans and a piece of string instead of a stethoscope.
• One in five patients will sit in A & E for at least three days before treatment is offered.
• 17% of patients are malnourished when they enter hospital and obese when they leave due to the poor standard of the food. Even McDonalds is rumoured to be better quality.
• 85% of nurses think they should be better paid by the government. Poor pay = poor motivation = poor healthcare.
• 15% of nurses cannot think.

All pretty scary stuff huh. I hope you've learnt something today, remember that the next time someone tells you that the NHS is a fine national institution, you can tell them that you know better!