The Tax Dodgers

It's official, the students have returned to Leicester! Like a plague of locusts they arrive and sweep every shop dry of bread, milk and beer within 48 hours before settling into a steady four month drinking binge.

I'd like to say that I haven't grown bitter and envious of students and their lay about lifestyle but the fact is, I have! It pains me on a day to day basis especially when I see flyers everywhere for "£1 a pint" on a Wednesday evening when drinking ten pints midweek is completely unfeasible for anyone who works. Why can't they have it on Friday and Saturday too!!

Having missed out on a cheap Wednesday drink through work commitments it then ticks me off even more when i have to step my way round four pavement pizzas on my way to work. It's bad enough that the lightweights are chucking back up the Smirnoff Ice (often the drink choice of Freshers who don't want to get too wasted in front of their new friends) they've been drinking, but the places in which they throw up are even more unacceptable. Outside our front gate, outside the entrance to the shop, right next to a pedestrian crossing where everyone stands to cross the road. What is wrong with the little f*ckers?? Whatever happened to puking in bus stops and telephone boxes - places mainly used by students and OAPs anyway - and they pay less tax than us so who cares if their public services are slightly tarnished.

So listen up students. Keep it off the streets! We don't need you to shout at the top of your voices at 3am just so we can tell how drunk you are, it's not big or clever, and you certainly ain't either!

I think I'm getting old!!

The Jumper

Good news for my friend Jimbo today, I have finally procured a large envelope in which to send him back what you would think (from the texts / phone calls) was his most valuable possession.

The item, a navy blue jumper boldly emblazened with a picture of a Nazi car, was left at our house after Jimbo's visit a few months ago and he has been campaigning to have it returned ever since. Attempts to get it posted back by Becky, who would actually have remembered, were thwarted by me refusing to give up the jumper as I wanted to sell it on eBay. However I have now decided that I should return it.

The envelope, a large, white, padded one, will be making its way home this evening leaving the following outstanding tasks to be completed

• Locate Jimbo's address on the noticeboard
• Write address on envelope
• Find jumper
• Put jumper in envelope
• Take envelope (containing jumper) to the Post Office

With it only taking about 90 days to find an envelope I anticipate the jumper arriving back in Third Reich Norwich sometime in the next 8-12 months.

The Fans

Received some very touching comments from some friends on email today that i thought I'd share. It's nice to know that there are people in the world who recognise my achievements and aren't afraid to praise me for them.

"Bradfields is a true champion - he's got his wheelchair drivers license and a certificate from the Early Learning Centre saying he can do potato painting" - Steve

"Bradfields' GCSE results were outstanding. An E in window licking and a D in calliper control" - Pete

Thanks guys. These mean a lot!

The Overtime

Ended up working on Saturday and Sunday afternoon this weekend which was a bit shit. I've got so much on at the moment and we are still fighting to keep even vaguely in touch with the deadlines we have so I didn't really have a lot of choice.

Sunday was much more productive than Saturday for some reason, think it was because it was a little cooler in the office, plus I was probably under more pressure to get the work done so I got my head into it a bit more.

Bought the new Burnout game for my PS2 after work on Saturday and the rest of the weekend inbetween work was pretty much dominated by that. I was amused to see that the game is rated as a U!! We were laughing at the thought of a generation of drivers to come who think it is acceptable to drive their cars into oncoming traffic due to a computer game they played as a child. Well, if according to the government it can cause murder and violent crime, why not traffic offences!!

The almighty Evington FC were unfortunately hammered 7-0 in the cup on Sunday morning. I didn't play which annoyed me, not because I thought I would have made enough of a difference for us to win, just because I would have liked to kick some of the players infliciting such a major defeat on us.

The Hurt and Anguish

Feeling pretty pissed off today for several reasons.

Firstly I managed to pull my groin...again...playing five-a-side last night and so consequently walking / climbing stairs /coughing / sneezing are all rather uncomfortable today. And as this is the second time I've had to give up mid match in the last two weeks I am aware that it is likely to cost me three weeks to a month in recovery time if i don't want to completely do myself in. This is pissing me off even more than the pain!

Secondly we lost at football 6-3 which meant my injury was even more pointless.

Thirdly, I'm still having to do too much work. Following my rant (see 'The Smackdown') I have obviously managed to avoid a bollocking for the fact that this project isn't finished, but that doesn't mean i am having to work any less. I'm under strrict instruction to finish certain sections by tomorrow so that they can be tested but i really can't be arsed. Plus, once it gets to 5:30 and the boss goes home i know the temptation to go home for a big fat reefer and fuck it all off will become very tempting. The force is not strong in me and i am weak to the temptations of the dark side!!

And finally, my last reason for my poor mood is that i have been a little hungover today. I know that there isn't really anyone to blame for this but myself. If i hadn't gone out and had five pints of Kronenbourg before dinner last night then i would probably be feeling a lot better. Even a dirty Greggs binge at lunch didn't relieve the hangover stomach. More lager when i get out of this hell hole seems like the only solution!

The Smackdown

Kicked off at my boss first thing this morning for his completely unrealistic deadlines. He expects me to finish a three week project in a week just because no one senior in our company actually managed to put together a decent specification or plan and so we've wasted loads of time and got stuff wrong.

It was pretty sweet because for the first time ever he had absolutely nothing, nada, zip, to say in return. He asked "why is it not going to be finished?" in an aggressive tone, and i listed the reasons in a slightly more aggresive tone. I didn't swear at him...for a change...and i think this might have been a contributing factor to my success. Once i'd finished my rant he pretty much asked if i could give it my best shot and i said yeah.

Think i might end up working on Saturday which will suck, but at least that'll mean another day off somewhere else down the line.

The Slackness

Well, I've been very very slack again in keeping up with my blog. It's damn hard to even remember to write something never mind actually trying to write something vaguely interesting.

I've was up at my parents at the weekend so didn't do much exciting. Just chilled out, ate lots of tasty food and read and slept a lot. Drove back down to sunny Leicester on Sunday to play football; the tigerish Evington FC were victorious once again, 3-1 winners over yet another strangely named team - Toyoda Gosei!!

At work now and having a pretty hectic week, got loads done yesterday thought which has lifted the pressure enough for me to at least be able to doss about a bit!!

I'm about half way through a piece about our wonderful National Health Service so will try and finish it at some point this week. I'm gonna have to make it good now I've mentioned it!!

The Future

Your Fortune Is

To make a long story short, don't tell it.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

The Fakers

Was just reading through some of the reaction the England's Ashes win and found this comment left on the BBC site.

You only have to look at the headlines from the press after the first Test to see what fair-weathered fans most the country are: "You bunch of drips" - The Mirror; "Vaughan again losers" - The Sun. I guarantee the majority of those stood out in London never saw a whole cricket match before in their lives - most probably didn't even watch the first Test.

As much as I appreciate the efforts of those people who stepped out of their office this week to have a wave at the triumphant England team, i am also left wondering where the hell 500,000 English cricket fans came from. I should probably be pleased that so many new people have got into cricket and that the game has had a positive impact on so many people's lives over the summer, but for some reason I don't feel that way.

Perhaps it is jealousy that i couldn't be in London to see the team come through on the bus, but i think mainly it is the way that so many people have just jumped on the cricketing band wagon this summer. It reminds me of the couple of years that Gillingham FC got into playoff finals and all of a sudden there were 25,000 people trying to get a ticket to the game when normally Gillingham's ground wouldn't have sold out if they had been playing a friendly against Brazil!!

As i said, i don't know what it is that bothers me about this whole thing - no Bradfieldses were harmed during the celebrations in London. Something just makes me a little p*ssed about it and I needed to get it off my chest.

Glory hunters, students and the unemployed take to the streets

The Party

Afternoon everyone. It has been a few days since my last update but I've been busy alright, so stop getting on my back about it and let me tell you what I've been doing. I played in a 5-a-side football competition on Saturday morning, the less said about that the better. Apart from the free bar and buffet afterwards there was not much to write home about. We played badly, drew two games and lost one, and the competition was won by a team with a girl in goal. Moving swiftly on, I then made the long trip down to the smoggy, expensive South to vist my old buddies Monkeyboy and the Quim in their new house in London. Two days of hazy memories are all that follow my arrival in London - we certainly laughed a lot though - my favourite lines from the weekend are listed below in no particular order

• What is it Steve? Hollioaks - the ones who didn't make it
• I bet you wish you hadn't got yourself into this
• All of a sudden i realised i was waiting to go through customs with a gram of MDMA in my pocket
• Pass the tray
• See You At The Party Richter

Ashes glory has followed all with a magnificent effort by England. Best part of the last test was our destruction of the Aussie scum on Sunday morning i reckon. The fact that they didn't even manage to get as many runs as we did, when everyone said we had blown it with our first innings total, made it extra sweet.

Not much sleep for Freddie last night me thinks.

The winning team, bar two. It was like we had five more players anyway!

The Devil Mag

How little the NME knows about its own audience was revealed today. Pete Doherty and his bummer band Babyshambles have been voted as the worst band of the year by the NME's readers. Yes that's right, the same Pete Doherty that the NME named as the coolest man on planet earth is recognised as the worthless piece of shit he is by their readers. Way to go boys, just rename your mag "No Musical Expertise" and lets be done with it.

The Foreigners

Wow. I actually managed to find some motivation to do some work and feel i have sufficiently progressed the project I am working on this morning that i will escape any sort of bollocking from my boss despite my slackness for the last three days.

My footballing joy from the weekend was soon destroyed by a bad day on the parks on Wednesday. Firstly my team, the prodigious Evington FC, were beaten 3-1 by the bizarrely named Hat and Beaver, and then our supposed National pride and joy were soundly beaten 1-0 by Northern Ireland in possibly the most lacklustre England performance since we got beaten by Denmark two weeks ago. I am all in favour of dismembering Sven!

I was stopped by an African man on my way back to work at lunchtime. "Excuse me" he said, quickly using up the only two English words in his vocabulary, "Besa tunga". That is what is sounded like to me anyway, so obviously i asked him to repeat himself, which he did...several times...and each time getting slightly louder. I suddenly realised what all the French students that my mate Steve used to have stay with him must have felt like when Steve's mum was talking to them. "Sebastien, would you like a sandwich", "Pardon??", "Would...you...like...a..sand-wich??", "Pardon??", "WOULD...YOU...LIKE...A...SANDWICH??".

Anyway, the African dude finally pointed to his wrist making me realise he was after the time - sign language should always be the first port of call when communicating with foreigners! "Ten to two" i replied before quickly strolling off down the street. I wonder if he understood me?!?

The Laziness

Two beers at lunchtime and i can see the productivity levels for the afternoon hitting an all time low. Not saying that I have been overly productive this morning, I'm having one of those weeks when i just can't be arsed.

I understand that there are now numerous companies within the UK that offer "Duvet Days". Basically you're allocated two days a year, which you can use at any time, where you can phone up and just say "I'm not coming in today". No dodgy excuse is required, no justification for your slackness, it is just accepted that everyone has times when they just can't be bothered.

Personally, i'm not sure if this would be of use to me. Obviously it would be great to have a couple of days every year when i could slack off for no reason whatsoever with no repercussions, but, i find that if i can't be arsed to go to work and consequently don't go, the feeling of not being arsed is doubled for the next day. Let's be honest, all having a day off does is make you realise that life is much more fun when you don't have to go to work.

I don't really know where i'm going with this, i just feel that there has to be a better way to help people get through the boredom of everyday life without going insane. i would be prepared to say no one likes going to work everyday perhaps with the following exceptions

1) Beer tasters
2) Porn stars
3) Porn photographers / camera men
4) Amsterdam coffee shop workers
5) Professional footballers
6) Astronauts

So, what can be done for the plight of modern man?? How could your working life be improved without your company suffering from a drop in productivity?? Suggestions please!

The Result

After my whinge about the Kaiser Chiefs yesterday i was extremely relieved to see that the judging panel for the Mercury Music Prize had more sense than all the people who have purchased anything Kaiser Chief related, and gave the prize to someone else instead.

I have no idea who Antony and the Johnsons are, but they get a little bit of respect from me for their achievement!!

The Delusional

Ha ha. Just catching up on the afternoon's sporting news and I read this line in an article about England's World Cup Qualifier against Northern lsland tomorrow

"To most people, the result is obvious - a win for Sven-Goran Eriksson's men. It is just a matter of by how many."

Oh please. I will be amazed if England manage to score more than two and in my honest opinion i reckon they will probably just scrape a 1-0 again.

The Chiefs

Feeling much better now i've eaten. Went for a Cajun Chicken cob (that's a roll to anyone not from Leicester) and a cheese + ham bake from Greggs. I never feel 100% right about eating food from Greggs as it is so cheap that it seems there must be something a bit dirty about it, but it tastes so damn good and it is quality for soaking up alcohol after a night on the lash.

I've just read a rather disturbing article that says the Kaiser Chiefs are favourites to win the Mercury Music prize. Why???? My personal opinion is that they are probably the most annoying band on the face of the planet at this time. I hate everything about them, the way they dress, the songs they sing, their fans.

Exhibit A - The Kaiser Chiefs - Nob Jockeys

Just look at them for Christ's sake - what a bunch of muppets. And what it the style they are trying to pull off here?? The bunch of twats in uncoordinated cheap suits look?? Tossers, f*cking tossers! And to make things worse they are standing in front of a board with the word NME on it. I wonder how many blow jobs have been received by members of the Kaiser Chiefs from employees of the NME?? To be honest I reckon that is where a lot of this hatred came from, the fact that the NME gives them big respect. I pretty much despise anyone who i hear the NME like these days (The Darkness and that junkie scum from the Libertines for example). If I had a band and was famous I'd sooner have a convicted nonce promoting us than get endorsements from the NME.

Breathe...breathe...ok, rant over. They are sh*t though, and even more annoying than those mincers in the Scissor Sisters.

The Decisions

It's nearly lunchtime on a very sunny Tuesday and I'm starting to get very peckish. I haven't quite decided what I'm going to eat for lunch today but i reckon it will probably involve some sort of sandwich or baguette and another savoury treat such as a sausage roll...mmm, sausage rolls.

I haven't had a particularly busy day today as i stayed in bed to make up for the fact that i had to get up yesterday and didn't come to work until 11. Flexitime rules! I guess I will have to do some work this afternoon though as i didn't really acheive a massive amount yesterday...too busy blogging!

The Incompetent

Pipex are officially on my sh*t list today!!

Out internet connection has been cut off apparently because they haven't received payment despite the fact that i'm set up to pay by direct debit. So, i phone them up at lunchtime to try and resolve the problem only to be informed that their payment systems are malfunctioning and they cannot provide me with any information about my current setup or process anything new.

Am I the only one who thinks this sounds a little on the dodgy side?? Their system breaks, my direct debit doesn't go, they cut off our internet. Marvellous!

The Chimp

George Bush is a t*sser. He's not really done anything in particular to offend me today (apart from being alive that is), i just wanted to make sure i had made my feelings about the chimp faced mother f*cker known at an early stage to avoid any confusion in the future.

The Glory

Oh - one thing i did forget to mention is that it was a weekend of footballing success for me. Firstly i won the Player of the Season award for my five-a-side team, and then the mighty Evington FC came from 2-0 down at half time to win 5-3 against Anstey Hounds in our Sunday league game. Get in!!

The Beginning

Monday...and I'm in work in the morning?? What the hell is going on??

Normally i don't like to work Monday mornings, they annoy me and put me on the wrong foot for the rest of the week. Unfortunately however today i had to come in and do something for one of our clients so i am in work and bored...so bored.

Didn't do much at the weekend, just ate and drank and sat around a lot. We had a BBQ which was pretty sweet but i ate far too much steak and chicken and I am still feeling pretty bloated from it all today.

I didn't bother to watch the England v Wales World Cup Qualifier as i often find England matches to be really boring. Don't think this one would have made me change my mind. How the hell the English Press can think we have any sort of chance of winning the World Cup is beyond me, especially when we watched Brazil destroy Chile 5-0 last night and they looked class (although i missed some of the goals). That's what England should be doing to smaller teams, not just getting a 1-0 win, which i understand could easily have been 1-1!!

I watched The Color of Money yesterday but where we'd recorded it off Sky+ we missed the end so having sat through two hours i didn't get to see the end which was a tad annoying. Then, my PS2 started to cock up while we were watching Operation Good Guys and we couldn't watch half an episode of that either. Obviously i wasn't meant to be my day for watching TV.